epiphany series #1: something to work towards

2 June 2017

My mom just came home from a months worth of travelling last night so today, I decided to try and cater to her every need. Being the workaholic she is, she decided she wanted me to drive her to the office at 8 am and then pick her up at 4 pm to take her to my grandma’s favorite (huh, was not aware that only Americans write it this way) restaurant to break fast (buka puasa bro). OKAY, so that I did, dropped her off only to get a phone call to come back at 1 pm to join a seminar with her (I was already on my way to buy a shit ton of yarn!!!!! but okay anything for u mum). When I got to the office, I was regretting it so hard, in my head wondering why I didn’t just say no, but ya what can you do you’re here already might as well.

The seminar was centred upon one of Indonesias historical figures; Pangeran Diponegoro. It was the same kinda history lesson you’d get from high school, but what was really interesting was the Q&A session. A lot of people had questions which basically focused on why he was so intrigued by us and our country, with which he responded “well why not Indonesia?” he then went on about how rich Indonesia was and how much further ahead we should be as a country BUT isn’t, due to the intense political issues and corrupt leaders imbedded to the core of our society. How our citizens grow to find jobs outside of Indonesia, benefitting other countries because there just isn’t much in Indonesia’s society for people to flourish. Why is it Malaysia truly Asia and not Indonesia truly Asia too? He was preaching to the choir, I bobbed my head so much. Personally, these things I’ve also wondered ever since I was a kid but never really thought much of it cause hey we’re a developing country, we’re behind everyone else, it happens. It never really occurred to me that we don’t have to be a developing country, we don’t have to be behind everyone else. We can be a greater nation if people would just stop to think about where they came from and try to give back to our country. This entire speech gave me intense brain farts on how it is our duty as a society (especially people who’ve got education) to get good education and bring it back to our country!!! We need to help the people who don’t have as many opportunities as we do and not as much information as we have. All of his inspiring words will forever be immortalised in my notebook and whenever I see it, I truly get a rush of adrenaline. I want to be part of this movement. I want to fight for the good fight. I’ve never felt so passionate but I want to understand Indonesia’s economy grow! I want to travel to parts of Indonesia and make it known to everyone that its beautiful and we should all embrace what we have here.

After the seminar I immediately went to the nearest coffee shop, got out my notebook and a pen and wrote down all the ideas flowing through me. It was such a rush I’d never felt. I’ve never felt so sure in my life that I could pursue something so beneficial to my society and be happy doing it. I wanted to curate things from all over Indonesia and make it known that Indonesia really is truly Asia. Bring education into remote places within Indonesia and give them opportunities that they’ve never gotten. In short; I want to help and be a part of something greater than myself. For now I don’t know where this yearning will take me, but somehow, I’m gonna do it and I know I’ll figure it out along the way (regardless how long it takes me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

welcome welcome

4 May 2017 (may the fourth be with you) 🙂

To whoever that’s here reading this, welcome welcome to this new thing I’ve decided to try. I’ve never really thought that my thoughts were that significant to the point where I would want it documented, but I’ve currently been working on my state of mind/being and decided that I should know my worth and I am worth something, therefore my thoughts are worth something (atleast thats what I tell myself), AND it’s a pretty good excuse to go and sit down at a coffee shop alone to reflect and not look like an idiot#ngafe. So here I am sharing my train of thoughts about anything and nothing. 

To start things off, I wanted to talk about why I started this thing in the first place, and I’ve listed down 3 reasons why I started blogging. 

  1. Document my thoughts ~ As I said before, I have the memory of a goldfish. I have really bad short term memory. For example, if we just met and someone introduced you to me, I’d forget your name in a minute, don’t take this personally, its not that I don’t like you I just tend to have a mini freak out and constantly forget. It would be nice if I got better at remembering the things that come inside my head.
  2. Learn to elaborate my thoughts into words ~ If you know me, you would know that communication is definitely not my forte. I not only have really bad social anxiety, but in addition to that my elaboration process isn’t that good as well, so if starting a blog would force me to formulate full sentences then so be it. 
  3. Put myself out there ~ You know that person in class/office/group of friends that’s always the quiet one that you go to, the constant one, the one that you know nothing about but you know nothing about them cause they generally don’t open up and say anything? That’s me in most situations. Its a virtue and a vice. I love being there for people, but I guess I’m just at a point where maybe I should be there for myself just as much, and learn to be uncomfortable and put myself out there? (not sure where I’m going with this). I wanna be more out there and maybe be more emotionally available for myself as much as I am for others. 

Yeah, I guess thats it from me, heres to a new start and I hope I actually stick to this cause I love the idea of being able to look back and reading the thoughts of my 19 going on 20 year old self. Hope I didn’t bore you too much. yeah ok.